Verbal Abuse
Walk in her Shoes
Abuse… a word that for most, conjures up a vision of physical violence. Often, if an abusive partner becomes physical, it almost always comes after months or even years of verbal and emotional abuse. Many victims are not sure they have the right to ask for help when it is “only emotional abuse”. Ironically, some victims report that they’d rather be hit by their partner than to endure the day-in and day-out putdowns, humiliation, and false accusations.
The gas-lighting tactic an abuser often uses, makes a victim question all that they know to be true. First trying desperately to defend themselves, but inevitably made to concede to whatever the abuser is stating, causes the victim to question themselves. Eventually their battered self-esteem begins a cycle of not trusting their own judgment. The stress and tension of constantly walking-on-eggshells, and trying day after day to control the abuse, strips away their strength and any hope that things can change.
Victims of abuse try desperately to do everything right in hopes of keeping the abuser happy and warding off verbal and emotional attacks. They are told everyday that the abuse is their fault. Eventually believing this themselves lends itself to believing they can control it. No one but the abuser can control their behavior. They may spend their entire life blaming the victim, blaming others and blaming circumstances for everything that goes wrong in their world, but rarely admitting to or seeking help for being abusive. Blaming the victim for everything, allows them to hide behind the justification they have created.
Abusive behavior is always about maintaining power and control over the victim. Unfortunately, due to the grooming process, the victim may originally see their partner’s jealousy and controlling behavior as a sign of love and devotion. As they come to learn, it’s about nothing but the abuser’s belief that they own their partner and have the right to control them as they see fit. The unknowing victim is fighting a strong, sadistic force that gains strength the longer it continues.
Be her safe person. Listen, support, don’t judge, and honor her wishes. Don’t assume you know what’s best for her. You have not been walking in her shoes.
